请求批改一篇cet4的作文，并打分，我感觉我甚至有的偏题······
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay. Suppose you have two options upon graduation: one is to work in a state-owned business and the other in a joint venture. You are to make a choice between the two. Write an essay to explain the reasons for your choice. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.
The advantages of working in a state-owned business are safe for our own place and regarded by people. The advantages of working in a joint venture are of much challenge and colorful. As far as I am concerned, I choice the first——working in a state-owned business.
What are we for who are alive in the world? It is leisure and regarded identity that are everyone’s ultimate purpose. If we are like the people who are always working too hard in a joint venture each day, the life is not significant, we are just a useful tool. Why do we need much the danger of losing a job? The chance of losing a job in a joint venture is so high——it’s not necessary for me. I need a safe job.
Different people has a different vision. In words, choosing a job we like is the best choice, so I would like to work in a state-owned business.
网友这篇作文总体写得很好，内容也非常不错，只不过里面有几个语法错误。本着尊重网友自己创作成就的原则，我只改错误，尽可能不改内容（以下是修改后的作文。红色部分为修改的地方，网友可对照查询）：
The advantages of working in a state-owned business are safe for our own positions（职位） and highly valued by people. The advantages of working in a joint venture have much of a challenge and are full of variety. As far as I am concerned, I choose the first——working in a state-owned business.
What do we live for in the world? It is achievement and respect that are the goals everyone pursues. If we are like those who work too hard in a joint venture every day, life will be meaningless. Thus, we are just a useful tool. Why do we face such a high risk of unemployment? The chances of losing a job in a joint venture are so high.——I don’t have to do this. I need a safe job.
Different people have different visions. Ina word, the job welike is the best choice, so I would like to work in a state-owned business.
