请老师帮忙修改一下这个句子的翻译，这是我以前做的。
原文：一年一个足迹，一年一次跨越，每个足迹都熔铸着鸡西电业人的汗水和追求，都展开了一幅梦想成真的瑰丽图景。
翻译：One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, every footprint was cast sweat and pursuit in Jixi people who engaged in electricity, had launched a magnificent picture that dream has came true.
一年一个足迹，一年一次跨越。每个足迹都熔铸着鸡西电业人的汗水和追求，都展开了一幅梦想成真的瑰丽图景。
翻译：One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, every footprint was cast sweat and pursuit in Jixi people who engaged in electricity, had launched a magnificent picture that dream has came true.
【评价】以上是网友的翻译。总体还很好，只不过有几个小失误。
1. 在断句上，“一年一个足迹，一年一次跨越。” 英语的翻译最后应该用句号，结束这个排比句。但网友却没，而是One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, ...
2. 除此之外，这两个排比句的中心词是“足迹”和“跨越”，而“每年”是时间状语或频度状语。所以，中文的意思是：“他们每年都留下一个足迹，每年都有一次跨越”。
应该如此翻译：They leave a footprint every year, and they take a leap every year.
简化为：One footprint every year, and one leap every year.
3. 熔铸着：be cast with。介词with 不要漏掉。
4. 鸡西电业人的追求：用of 所有格：the sweat and pursuit of the Jixie lectric industry workers
5. 电业人：直接译为electric industry workers（电业工作者），无须用定语从句，太罗嗦。
6. had launched：缺少主语，而且时态也不对。改为“非限制性定语从句”，让前文的the sweat and pursuit 作主语：which have drawn a magnificent picture of a dream came true.
7. “展开”二字，无须翻译。其实，“展开”就是“是”的意思。就是说，前文的内容“是”一副瑰丽图景。因此，用which is....
8. a dream came true：“梦想成真”，即：成真的梦想。come true作定语。
【翻译】One footprint every year, and one leap every year. Each footprint has been cast with the sweat and pursuit of the Jixi electric industry workers, which have drawn a magnificent picture of a dream came true.
我再把我的翻译，直译成汉语：
每年一个足迹，每年一次飞跃。每个足迹都被鸡西电气工业职工的汗水和追求所铸造，它们描绘了一副梦想成真的壮观秀丽画面。
